What is "healthy"?

What does one consider when they choose to consume something? It seems that taste buds no longer play the same role in our decision making process as they did for our predecessors. As new studies continuously unveil hidden truths about our foods and the affects they have on our bodies and environments, it seems the flavor of our food has begun to take the backseat to these other factors. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but at what point does our obsession with what is in our food become unhealthy?

I find it interesting how society continues to produce growing concerns and repeated warnings about eating disorders during adolescence, but rarely ever touches on the issue of disordered eating. Very few people even know what disordered eating is, and while the rearrangement of words and added past particle may appear to imply similar meaning; they are actually two very different things, worthy of equal caution. I’ve witnessed the affects of both. I watched helplessly as my sister suffered from anorexia for years, while I myself experienced the implications of disordered eating last winter. Eating disorders can be life threatening, while disordered eating can consume one’s entire life­. So why is it that disordered eating is not worthy of the same attention?

Anorexics share the determination to eat as little and as rarely as possible, while the life of a disordered eater varies depending on the person. For me, food became my top priority in life. I spent hours researching the nutritional content of everything and anything I would ever consider eating. I became a human encyclopedia of caloric values, fat count, and sugar percentages. What began a healthy diet transgressed into an obsession with health. Ironically, strangers, parents, and even doctors commended me for my incredible physical condition and self-determination. However, beyond a certain point my mental health began deteriorating with each additional pound lost. I was too engulfed in all of the benefits resulting from my obsession to notice what was happening to me, and had plenty of excuses to justify the loss of many of my friends. My elders all advised me to dismiss criticism from peers as jealousy. My grades and self-confidence were at an all-time high, and since I was never technically “too thin”, only my friends could see how truly unhealthy I’d become. I had a mental tally of the number of calories I’d consumed throughout each day. However, after every meal I made sure to double check all of these approximations with calorie counting programs I’d downloaded to my desktop­, so as to establish how much I was “allowed” to eat for the remainder of the day. These programs required me to know serving sizes in order to receive accurate estimations. So, I began measuring my food with measuring cups. I measured out the fat-free sugar-free creamer I would put in my coffee, and the occasional juice I allowed myself as a treat. I refused to eat past 8:00 PM (unless I was on the verge of tears, in which case I would have an apple), causing me to go to bed hungry often and never fully get a good night of sleep. I would awaken easily at about 5:00 am each morning from hunger pains, and so, I would begin my day early, giving me more time to spend on my studies. I stepped on the scale at least five times a day, and became a prisoner of my mind.

It’s scary to think that this was my reality. Reflecting on the days when I thought a rice cake was too many empty calories I realize why people called me crazy. So, while it actually has made me a much healthier, wiser, and more informed person today, it cost me my sanity last year.